just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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