turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
