he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
