just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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