What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
