is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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