My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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