Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
