and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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