I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Houston, we have a squirter
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
