just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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