He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
