Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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