She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
