Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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