I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
