u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
