Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
a search helicopter?!
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
