are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
