He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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