So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
