So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
The ass gains better be worth it
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