omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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