yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we're making bets on your personal life
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
