Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
All I want is dick and wine.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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