Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
