I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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