I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
