Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
there is glitter all over my balls
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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