mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
