Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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