I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
