Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize