i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Randomize
