I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
