I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
