sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
