I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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