this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
