I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
