I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
