But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
