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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
