Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
