she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
