Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
