Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
