I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
