I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize