i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
this just has baby written all over it
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
