Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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