i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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