Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize