I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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