You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
