so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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