help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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