she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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