i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
