would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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