Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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