O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
