dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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