how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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