I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
