you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
