Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
