apparently the secret to your success is patron
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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